"So I had to go to the supermarket at a time of night when you would expect the trip to be a swift one, when all the nice Jewish grandmothers should be home in bed or making their special gefilte fish or Rosh Hashanah or whatever it is they do- but perhaps the crowds of grannies in Grand Union were Christians or Tartars, but by God those old women were a subcategory of their own and they would smash you with their shopping carts if you could not match their speed. I was jet-lagged, a foreigner, and I was slow. God help me.

An American supermarket is one thing. Jesus- but a New York supermarket is a complete dog's breakfast- you would have to be born in Aisle 5 to understand its logic. As you have doubtless guessed already, I had come to buy a dozen eggs. At first I could not find them, then there they were, right next to the feta, so many bloody categories of eggs, sizes of eggs, colours of eggs, my fellow shoppers could not wait for me to make a choice. I was blocking their aisle, so they locked wheels with me, crowded in from Aisles 2 and 3, swarmed like gridlocked morons at the entrance to the Holland Tunnel."

-Theft, by Peter Carey (194-195).

Welcome!

Welcome to meatless musings! The goal of this blog is to review various types of 'meat substitutes' (otherwise known as meat analogues, meat substitutes, imitation meat, faux-meat, etc)- from morningstar veggie burgers to tofurkey. Why should you trust my opinion? Because I'm not a vegetarian/vegan! Just an orthorexic with a penchant for wheat gluten fajitas. Besides, we all know if i fed those hippie nut-jobs my left prosthetic testicle they'd swear it was a meatball. But thanks to my occasional carnivorous ways, I know what meat is supposed to taste like! So look forward to critical but balanced reviews of meatless options-- and remember, just say no if it ain't faux , don't take if it ain't fake, you'll become a chub if it ain't meat sub, and soy is love.

XOXO,

Soy Boy